Dear Dave,
My boyfriend is not very good with money, and he is in a bad situation right now. He has a huge car payment every month, plus about $30,000 in credit card debt. He also lives in a very expensive apartment. He recently quit a really good job because he doesnt like his boss anymore. He has talked about filing bankruptcy, and yesterday he asked if he could move in with me. I love him, but Im also scared. I try to manage my money well by saving, investing for retirement and staying out of debt. What does this mean for our future together?
Crislyn
Dear Crislyn,
My guess is the guys not really bankrupt, but it sounds like he has some maturity and character issues that need to be addressed. Im not saying things cant change, but this is not someone to move in with or consider marrying anytime soon. You two would have a hard time as husband and wife unless he makes some real course corrections in his attitudes about money and life.
For starters, he needs to get another job, sell the expensive car and find a cheaper place to live. Leaving one position for another is okay, but deciding you just dont like something and walking away from it without another job waitingespecially when youve got bills and a bunch of debtis just plain irresponsible.
Lots of people identify too strongly with what they drive or where they live. They come to believe those things are indications of their value or worth, and thats sad. It means something inside them is broken, and bankruptcy isnt going to fix that.
All this doesnt mean he isnt basically a decent guy, but it does mean he needs to get control of his financesand that hes got some soul searching and growing up to do.
Dave
Image by Elena We